were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize