Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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