just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
