he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
