Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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