hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize