Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
