Your face is a jimmy john
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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