Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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