I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
