i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
