I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
