You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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