yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
