When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
