Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
