she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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