this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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