I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
