It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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