fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
