i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
