So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
