I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
