FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
BRING THE BAGELS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
