I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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