Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
