I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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