We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
