I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
