Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize