My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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