Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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