My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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