I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
