i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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