ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just cropdusted the office
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
