I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize