I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
