A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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