if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have tasted many bathrooms
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
