They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize