just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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