She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize