He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
