Welp...herpes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
