you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In other news, I just burned my penis
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
