so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
