The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
