Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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