mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
