if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
