David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
