Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
