they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
