Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
