Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Houston, we have a blender
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
