I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
