she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
NoShamevember. You game?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
