i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
