apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
