Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
