I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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