You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
