and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
