textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
