you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
