so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
