the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
