What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
